A Google Pizza
Edited: Saturday, 13 October 2018
In the future, when you order a pizza:
- Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?
- No sir - it's Google Pizza.
- I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
- No sir - Google bought Gordon's Pizza last month.
- OK. I would like to order a pizza.
- Do you want your usual, sir?
- My usual - you know me?
- According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses - sausage - pepperoni - mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.
- OK - that's what I want.
- May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta - arugula - sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin crust?
- What? I detest vegetables.
- Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
- How the hell do you know?
- Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
- Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
- Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.
- I bought more from another drugstore.
- That doesn't show on your credit card statement.
- I paid in cash.
- But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
- I have other sources of cash.
- That doesn't show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
- WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! !
- I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
- Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google - Facebook - Twitter - WhatsApp and all the others! I'm going to an island without internet - cable TV - where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me!
- I understand sir - but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago!