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A Google Pizza

Language: English
Published: Wednesday, 11 April 2018
Edited: Saturday, 13 October 2018
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In the future, when you order a pizza:

- Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza? 
- No sir - it's Google Pizza. 
- I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
- No sir - Google bought Gordon's Pizza last month.
- OK. I would like to order a pizza. 
- Do you want your usual, sir? 
- My usual - you know me? 
- According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses - sausage - pepperoni - mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.
- OK - that's what I want. 
- May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta - arugula - sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin crust? 
- What?  I detest vegetables. 
- Your cholesterol is not good, sir. 
- How the hell do you know? 
- Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
- Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza!   I already take medication for my cholesterol.
- Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly.  According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.
- I bought more from another drugstore. 
- That doesn't show on your credit card statement.
- I paid in cash. 
- But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
- I have other sources of cash. 
- That doesn't show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
- WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! ! 
- I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you. 
- Enough already!  I'm sick to death of Google - Facebook - Twitter - WhatsApp and all the others!   I'm going to an island without internet - cable TV - where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me!
- I understand sir - but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago!

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